New Troll

I just did a craigslist troll that I'm particularly proud of:

MUSLIM LEADERS HAVE ISSUED A FATWAH

that you really should take a look at Yoda's penis on ebay.

Message in a bottle

The pervading feeling is that I'm putting a note in a bottle and sending it into the ocean. The message doesn't matter, just the fact that it's being sent. Anyway, I'm still pretty excited by the action that the Yoda auction is getting. Around a 1,000 hits a day. I've been trolling craigslist because I want people to know about the auction and because it's funny. Example of my trolling:

(Heading)
I am short and not very well endowed
(Body)
See nude pics of me on ebay. Type:
Naked Yoda

I'm so glad I'm saving all this crap for posterity. They would need to know all this.

Hey

I ran out of space for pictures at the moment and I'm not tech saavy enough to figure something else out. That means there'll be a lot of just text for the moment.

We are back to actually editing the movie. It's all about applying the right music. There's been some tussles back and forth between me and the editor. He's very defensive. So am I. Anyway, it's just something that needs to be dealt with.

At the same time I'm trying to write The Narcissist. I'm trying to figure how deep I can get into the phenomenon in a funny way. I've been writing about the importance of the master/pupil scene (see other posts). My key words at the moment are:

shadow self
disassociation
triggers
causes
fracturing
fragmentation

I want to show that the hero was driven to fracturing through external pressure from his mother. She condemned and would not accept his "bad self" i.e. anger, selfishness, aggression so he had to externalize all this. It was all fed into his video games. Since he poured half of himself into that stuff he became totally linked to it, hence addicted.

The "game box" keeps coming back and haunting him because it is him. He cannot live separated from himself. I want to somewhat duplicate the scene from Star Wars where Luke (with Yoda) goes into the cave.

"What is in there?"

"Only what you bring?"

What's in my hero's cave?

Hello

Now, my mind is turning back to figuring out how to finish this Narcissist script. I'm starting to think that the meeting with the Sensai could be the soul of the whole movie. I want to make the story about the hero's shadow self. So the haunting "game box" is really animated by the hero's fractured psyche. The synthesis of the shadow self and the acceptable self could be an interesting resolution for this character.

I'd like to explore all this and make it funny. Got to keep thinking.

Yoda on Ebay is getting a lot of hits.

I can hardly believe how fast the counter is moving.

Just realized something

The two things I've been working on these days have been rather similar.

a)the dream sequence with the quiet character in my movie script.
b)Naked Yoda

I started to write the scene today. I received a wonderful comment that helped a great deal. It's listed below the synopsis of the script post.

I want to make the master/pupil relationship funny but not derivative. Got to keep thinking. I must admit that images of Yoda are really leaping to the forefront of my mind right now.

Naked Yoda on Ebay

Please check out my auction on Ebay.

Write in: Naked Yoda

I would love to hear what you think!

Yoda

Yoda
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

The Yoda picture is finally ready to go. It is 2 foot by 2 foot on stretched primed canvas.

Paris

water
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

I studied painting at the Sorbonne in Paris from 1999-2000. My friend Ludovic sent me this beautiful picture he took today.

I'm struggling

Way back I mentioned that I'm writing a movie script called: The Narcissist.

It's about a narcissistic girl trying to make a short to impress her father.

During the course of the story the girl makes her boyfriend get rid of his video game system. She feels like the system is the "other woman" in the relationship.

Her boyfriend is the quiet type. The gaming system returns one day a la Fatal Attraction.

The quiet guy has a rich fantasy life. The gaming system returns and communicates with him. He throws it into a lake. The next day he's working at the bank zoning out and he has a daydream:

He walks up a massive hill to a small Asian temple. The quiet guy is now in a kimono and he wears a top knot on his head. The temple is filled with candles. The quiet guy bows to his sensai.

He wants to discuss the evil that has visited his life in the form of his playstation. I just don't know where it goes from there. I want this to be funny. Any ideas?

Dance

BETTERJALEO
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

I'm interested in selling this. It is 1 foot by 2 foot.

DRINK

DRINK
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

This is a painting which I am interested in selling. It's 1 foot by 2 foot.

The Sweet Ass Digital Rebel

The Sweet Ass Digital Rebel
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

My Favorite Camera

I'm sort of obsessed with optics. I know it's a sad, freaky childhood reason why this is. i.e. the only way I could almost relate to my father was through cameras. Now I don't relate with him--just cameras.

I'm strapped for cash a lot. So film tends to come up as an extraneous expense. I have these INCREDIBLE (Hasselblad, Graflex, Bolex) cameras but it just costs too much to operate them. They also have weird negative sizes so they required a lot of darkroom time and chemicals. When those pictures came out, it was so satisfying. But I got tired of the drama. I had a lot of miserable failures in that darkroom. Mostly from 2001-2002. I worked forEVER to learn how to develop 16mm film. I couldn't get the projectors to work. Somehow the chemicals weren't quite right. I saw enough to see the Bolex camera was taking good images and that the aperture/shutter speeds were okay. Anyway, I kind of had it.

Wow, that's a lot of set up for nothing. My favorite camera is the Digital Rebel. It's a 6.3 megapixel interchangable lens slr type camera. My other digital camera was a Casio point and shoot (QX 3000 or something).

The digital rebel has blown my mind since I've gotten it. The first weird lens I got was the 16mm Zenitar fisheye. The picture of my dachshund Heathcliffe alone in the big room was taken with it. Pretty exciting lens. It doesn't get used much. The optics don't amaze me but the distortion is quite interesting.

Tip of my life! Super Takumar lenses by Pentax are cheap and the results are sharp and gorgeous. I get the old screw mount (M42) ones off ebay.

Long story short, through adapters I've put so many weird things in front of my digital rebel. I got a microscope in front of it and I've been trying to stretch my zoom potential--hence the moon shot.

Last night I took another more zoomed shot of the full moon. It was brighter but just too mushy. I like it sharp!

ray

ray
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

Hi,

This is the fellow who inspired the Yoda story. He was very interesting but he kept begging me to draw him nude. Once he got home the emails started to come where he continued to beg me to draw him without clothes on.

moon

moon
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

This was the moon last night.

backlitfro

backlitfro
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

This is my pomeranian.

meanmonstie

meanmonstie
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

PLAYDOG

PLAYDOG
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

profile

profile
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

Tana-Lee-Alves

Tana-Lee-Alves
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

A wonderful artist Martin O'Loughlin drew this of me. To see more of his art click: http://www.odstudios.net/

littlemonstie

littlemonst
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

Another picture of my dachshund

On a different note

I've had a chronic sinus infection for about 13 years. Apparently around 1990, a lot of people starting developing serious allergies. It isn't known exactly why, maybe pollution. The stuffiness from allergies creates the perfect atmosphere for sinus infections.

It took me years to even learn that I had a sinus infection. I was just sick and tired all the time. Then I started taking antibiotics which lead to side effects and a decreased immune system. Lately I've been trying a lot of different treatments including antibiotics which still don't seem to work.

Finally I decided to give something called collioidal silver (Mesosilver) a try. Since I've been suffering with sinusitis for so long I am hesitant to admit that anything is helping but it seems to be. I'm getting better slowly.

It is said that you can get something called argyria from colloidal silver. The silver accumulates in your skin. Then the sun reacts with the silver (like in old photographs) and a person turns grey or blue. I don't think that happens too much any more. But that's the reason I waited so long to try this stuff.

Yoda's Penis Part II

This is going to be the story on ebay.
.........................................................................................................................................................................
One afternoon there was a knock on my door. Imagine how surprised I was when I saw that the Yoda was standing there. He walked in and told me that he wanted to be painted -- au naturel.

I don't do that kind of thing but he insisted. I could smell the stench of liquor on his breath. It was some cheap junk called Night Train. I soon learned that because he pulled the empty bottle out of his trench coat and threw it on the floor.

I knew he was spunky but I was quite astonished by how obnoxious he's become. He thinks everybody lives for him now that he's so famous.

"Do what I want, you will!"

I gave in and figured the quicker I finished the quicker he'd leave.

I worked for a few hours. When the painting was done, he refused to pay! He told me to call his agent.

Next thing he was gone. I have no way to reach him.

You know I think it was all about the game for him. To make me look at his shriveled little thing for a few hours. It's sad how some people try to get off!

This painting is the result of this disturbing encounter. It 2 foot by 2 foot. Oil on canvas.
.........................................................................................................................................................................
Story over, then we'll see if anyone bids on the painting.

yoda

yoda
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

Yoda's Penis

I was watching Star Wars last night.

I remembered a tv shirt that they were selling on the Onion website: "Don't pretend you haven't wondered what Yoda's penis looks like."

That t shirt made me wonder, "What does Yoda's penis look like?"

I'm going to explore this further.

This is my little friend

noblemonstie
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

towelhead

towelhead
Originally uploaded by tanalee.

This is me

Forgiveness

I wrote that I've given up on the world and that I hate people. True and not true. My last post was about negativity defenseness. That's what I was doing with that attitude.

The feeling is: if you remind yourself that there are a lot of assholes out there you remember to keep your guard up. That's what the people hating is about. It's just a reminder that many people are low lifes and one must remember that to survive.

Giving up on the world refers to another defense. I've worked very hard as a writer and painter to achieve "success" in the conventional sense. By that I mean, the world would have acknowledged that what I do is special. This has however not occurred.

Let me back up a bit. When I was a kid, I resented how women were objectified. The guys (on tv) would be doing something productive and the hot woman would be looking on in a bikini. Does this make any sense? A good example would be a music video where the guys are making music and the woman is standing around all hot and half naked.

This still bugs me to this day. Society will value a woman who'll show her tits on camera much more than any other kind of woman. Why is that? I'll leave that up to you.

I know that if I had desired to go into sexwork that I would have done a lot better (success-wise). That's one of the reasons that I've given up on the world. Anyway.

About forgiveness, I'm incredible angry most of the time. I know it's a waste of energy. I also know that I'm mostly angry at myself. Why? Because I couldn't make things right. I couldn't achieve redemption.

I wake up from my dreams furious at my parents, furious at myself that I couldn't fix anything and that I gave up.

Okay serious second thoughts

I was reading over my last blog entry and I did NOT like what I saw. This negativity is definitely not the real me. I gave this thought for hours and I decided that it was pure defensiveness. So from now on, I will strive to be a way less defensive Tanster. I do appreciate that no one is reading this and that's cool.

The way I see it, if I'm down on myself there's no need for any additional abuse from you the people out there. No more, my friends. I am drunk right now. Little queasy in the belly but I wanted you to know that there will be a concerted effort to curtail the defensiveness.

I was at BJs and some fat old lady said "excuse me for living!!!" because I was trying to get around her. That really pissed me off. Anyway, that's a tangent best left for no where and nothing. Let's all let that go. By that I mean me. I hate having run ins with people. Some people are just looking for a fight.

This whole blog is so SELF INDULGENT ooooh! Me, me, me, oooooh.

I read celestine proprecy and thought it was really PSEUDO intellectual but there was that point about the different mechanism one uses to get attention: poor me, abuser, aloof, stuff like that. My last post was so "poor me". Let's not do that, okay?

Struggling Artist

For any of you who are interested I have a website that features my art. http://www.tanaleealves.com

I'm an over achiever who's trying to stop being one because I personally find overachievers annoying and needy. Classic case of disliking one's foibles in others.

I recently adapted a Victorian novel by Charles Reade into a no budget movie. It's being edited. The editor doesn't like to be pressured but he won't edit. So what do you do when pushing makes it worse? If you don't push it still doesn't happen.

Anyway, so I'm trying to focus on what I can control which is my new script: The Narcissist. It's a comedy about ... Narcissism. Anyway, enough for today.