My Dachshund's a total bully

While I'm here trying to figure out what to write in my stupid script, my dachshund Heathcliffe makes his little whining noises. He circles me left to right and he looks me directly in the eye. Then he looks off into the distance with desperation in his eyes. His passive aggressive attacks wear me down everyday. I tell him to "go on!" He comes right back. He shivers. I try to pet him. He shakes and puts his tail between his legs.

He's "terrified" of me so much that he won't accept me petting him. But if he's so terrified of me why won't he give me a break when I tell him to scram? Is he scared or is he bullying me? He wants his food. If he gets it at 4 p.m., he wants it at 2 p.m. If he gets it at 2 p.m. He wants it midday.

If I put him in the basement he'll keep scratching to get out. I can't even get him down there because he'll run under the bed where I can't reach him.

You'd think the little space heater would make him want to bask his little wienie body in front of it. He just keeps staring at me. If dachshunds ruled the world, they'd be so fat. Their little victim whining would fill the night with madness.