What one is . . .

I have chronic sinusitis which cannot be treated with antibiotics. They just don't work anymore. I had been handling the condition with colloidal silver but I caught a virus. The virus led to another fairly serious inflammation of my sinuses. Breathing was a major problem yesterday but I found some steroid drops that are helping. My head hurts too much too think. It is difficult to deal with the fact that you can't go outside (of the house) without suffering consequences. I thought I was doing well enough to go to the city.

It seems that people are supposed to come into their own: to be themselves to the fullest. What if you're physically sick? What if you're just a jerk? What if you're crazy?

I feel like I could do so much if I didn't have to exert such energy trying to feel physically okay. Frida Kahlo was in pain and had to stay in bed. Mozart worked himself to death--or he had some illness so he died in his thirties. Beethoven went deaf.

When I was a kid I was a lot more functional physically. I got sick once or twice a year and I could handle dealing with people. Now I'm much more fragile and sensitive. I feel that I was made to be a creative person but creativity isn't really happening these days.